My Ebay Listing

Yeah I know it's childish but I want to see how many hits and watchers I can get. Maybe Ebay will actually pull their heads out the back door.

Feel free to Ebay me questions and comments I'll post them all

thats freekin classic! funniest shit in a while.

Now that is some funny, funny shit! I absolutely love the cover!

You'll have to keep us posted on what comes of it! And most importantly how long you were on hold!

Check your listing!!!

That's awesome John! I hope you're still not on hold though.

That response to my question was priceless!!!!!!!!!!

I've sent my request for a copy Priceless ebay item.

Ebay can really suck,i know how it feel's John.I've been rammed hard by the evil corporate giant myself too.

I really luvd that ebay auction what a good way to kick em in da ass.

I wonder if people from ebay noticed,it would be funny just to see their facial reaction reading it.

Good stuff just reading made me feel better for all the crap i've been through with them in the past.

My hat's off to ya john three chear's for you for sticking up for all.

Dan.

This is great!

that is brilliant, I totally know where you are coming from with the feedback removal for cancelled transactions, if the transaction is cancelled or the item returned and the money refunded then the buyer should not be allowed to leave feedback as there is officially no sale but with ebays policy of sellers not been able to leave negative feedback if ya get a shitty buyer they can slag ya off and you cant do anything about it, and some sellers are just as bad when it comes to abusive emails recently brought a boxed AT-ST and the seller charged lots of postage and put a small bit of bubble wrap then brown paper round the box his auction said nothing about external damage to the box from tape removal and when I got it box was crushed ebay put in a claim for not as described as seller had said mint and then ebay found in his favour eventually got a supervisor who agreed to put a credit on my account after I submitter pictures but it took over an hour to get through and after you go through the numerous people who barely speak english you get frustrated good luck with your auction

Obidan wrote:

if the transaction is cancelled or the item returned and the money refunded then the buyer should not be allowed to leave feedback as there is officially no sale

an exception to this is: if a seller doesn't get his expected price on some items & tells the buyer he lost them on the bus said seller deserves at least a neutral

In all seriousness- John you are a bloody funny man, replies to the questions have had me crying in laughter all day.
naked creative process, Albino Figure Authentication, "I am almost positive that It might possibly be 100% (give or take 5%) a geniune or reproduced item"

Thats awesome John!

I cant believe that negative!! Was the seller registered in Italy as thats the address he wants the item shipped to?

I ask because Italy is a nightmare 2 people have tried to scam me from there in the past thankfully i got hold of a manager at the UK Paypal centre who sided with me on both occassions. Thats not to mention the fact that Italy has the worst postal system in Europe i make sure when i list an item that i block posting to Italy!

Jay

sales to Italy the buyers always want the cheap option without tracking and there are alot of sellers who say they will not ship there unless tracking and insurance is paid for because the buyers seem to like saying they never got the items almost as bad is Spain, I sold a load of transformers a while back and one was a very large figure thankfully it had to go parcelforce so it was tracked but the buyer wanted it shipped standard international mail as it was cheaper then even after he got it tried to file a claim with ebay and paypal saying he had not got it when the POD showed his signature but they still entertained his claim for a while, the major postage killer has to be Prioirty from USPS its just a major rip off unless you're ordering lots of stuff its not worth buying single figures to get charge 4 times more thanw hat you pay for the figure to ship it

Nice one John

When's the Michael Moore style expose
hitting the silver screen...

Lee_m wrote:

Nice one John

When's the Michael Moore style expose
hitting the silver screen...

You calling John fat?


Nice going John, funny stuff indeed !

This brought a very big smile on my face. Brilliant action, John!

BTW: From all the ebay listings this sucks the most right now

Fucking genuious dude. Now answer my fuckin' question before I dispute ya bad ass!!!

Hell, if you buy it you can get 200.00 in Ebay Bucks. John, I'll offer you 999,990.oo for it. That is just the most hilarious thing I seen. The questions are brilliant.

Q: I'm afraid I don't have the asking price. However, I'm willing to trade you some WW2 memorabilia. The items in question are 100 Dead Nazi Scalps taken from the head of 100 Dead Nazis. These scalps are certified authentic from Lt. Aldo Raine himself! Aug-25-10
A: Sorry I only collect Nazi Underpants. Go to Springfield , there is a one armed man who can get them for you.
Q: Hi there,i'm interested in your item but want to save a few dollars on shipping.Could you please send it first class mail international(no tracking)& if it turns up,i can still say i haven't received it therefore i can file a paypal dispute,win & get my money back & still keep your item for free? Please let me know ASAP! Aug-25-10
A: This is just silly. I mean who could possibly think that this scenario could happen? I mean people are honest and I would have proof I sent it. Ebay would use common sense and figure this out with no problem. They are a world class orginazation with talented staff who could......no Im kidding. Course you can!
Q: When you are done selling this item, will you write a paper on why the Mets suck? I NEED the answer! Thanks! Aug-24-10
A: The team is located in FLUSHing. Need I say more? Actually I guess I finished my paper on the Mets! Everyone who read this, you all owe me $1,000,000. Please paypal me. Use the gift method so Ebay..er Paypal doesn't collect fees. Honor system everyone so do the right thing and pay up.
Q: Watch it smart guy. Watch it! You keep this act up and it will be 20%. Aug-24-10
A: Crap you wrote the same thing twice! Now it's 40%
Q: Watch it smart gut. Watch it! You keep this act up and it will be 20%. Aug-24-10
A: I think Ebay is working with Hitler, Satan, Saddam and benny Hill to get our souls. 20% isnt my concern right now. (For those following my auction google "Godwins Law". Enjoy!
Q: Has this been stored in 100% archival material since it's creation, and handled with white cotton gloves to protect this valuable investment? Aug-24-10
A: I hired the Swiss Guard to protect this in a low oxygen envirnment. I think it's the Swiss Guard. He was wearing Finlandia bags as shoes. He also didnt speak with a Swiss accent and swore up and down. Now that I think about it he also spent 45 miuntes yelling at the Peanut Butter Sandwich I made him. I'll make other arrangements to protect it!
Q: I need to get a tombstone for my grandad who just past away so my funds are tied up with that. Have you got a HIN (Have It Now) and I'll pay u later? Aug-24-10
A: I've got a better idea. Just pay for it now and , once I send you a shipping confirmation, just open a dispute!!! Ebay will have their Final Value Fee so they don't care!! They'll just give you the refund and you get your money, the tombstone, and what critics are calling the greatest masterpiece to ever come out of house!
Q: Hi, do you also offer German examples? Tobi Aug-24-10
A: Funny you should ask! This is in German but I wrote in a TARDIS (go ahead, google it and come back). The perception filter is making it appear in English.
Q: Hi, is the cost of insurance included in the asking price? -x Aug-24-10
A: I tried to insure it but the USPS says it's like trying to insure a sunset, newborn baby, or Eric Roberts. Some things are not replacable.
Q: I prefer reading my paper and books while sitting on the family throne (aka the Toilet). Is the paper this is written on water and splatter proof against any possible backsplash or biological contamination? If not, is laminating available? I prefer to keep my reading material as clean as possible. And if I run out of toilet paper, will this make a suitable replacement in a pinch? Aug-24-10
A: First off, it's an honor to speak to royalty. I wish I had a throne. That would be cool. The paper should hold up fine. I mean I am writing about a company thats very name and attitude turn the words into extriment and the paper hasn't fallen apart yet so Im feeling okay about it. If I laminate it, you might not want to use it as Toilet paper. Just my advice.
Q: Can you declare a value of $20 on the customs form? Latveria is very expensive for customs duties. Our country is run by a cruel doctor. Aug-24-10
A: I spoke to Ben Grimm and he says no. Sorry.
Q: I think this is just a terrible auction. Can't you see that ebay is/has done everything in their power to suck on their own ? I think you stealing their thunder of sucking just sucks, and you should let ebay to continue to suck to previously unknown heights of suck-dom. Oh, I would like to pay in Canadian pennies, but I'll need a receipt in arabic since I'll be in the middle east by the time this reaches me. Taxes are just a bit*h this time of year. Aug-24-10
A: Sucks you feel that way. I agree that it sucks that needing to suck suckiness from the all time suckmeisters does in fact suck. But in my defense my book sucks so can't Ebay be accused of promoting sucktastic literature? Huh?? Huh?? SUCK ON THAT!!! (In a nice, non porn way of course)
Q: Do you think you can get Meg Whitman to autograph this? Aug-24-10
A: I can sure try. Isnt she ruining something bigger nowadays?
Q: Does this book come in an audio version,I don't know how to read so well like most fools on ebay,so if it comes in audio I well pay twice the asking price for the paper version.Please send me an audio reply.Or you can call me on my shoe phone number 555-6969,Thanks Aug-24-10
A: If you win this auction, I will personally read it to you every night. I do impersonations as well, so I can do it as Hulk Hogan , Christopher Walken or various others. You didn't leave your area code so I will call every area code from 001 and go up until I find you!!
Q: I have always been under the impression that Ebay BLOWS. However, your accusation is that Ebay SUCKS. Would you care to elaborate on how you came to this conclusion? Aug-24-10
A: That is a very insightful question. As Spaceballs has shown us, you can both suck and blow.
Q: Why did you not answer my previous question>? Aug-24-10
A: Sorry for the delay. I had to get some sleep. Open a dispute for my taking a few hours to answer. Maybe Ebay can give you my kidney or something
Q: Will you autograph the book for my sickly grandfather Marvin? Aug-24-10
A: OMG what a coincidence!! I am selling this to pay for my sickly third cousin twice removed. I am also asking Ebayers selling gold coins to sell them to me for 50% of book value so give to him. He's is very very sick and this is all he wants before going to the next life
Q: So! Do you wanna sell the rare albino tigeress? I could use the milk. I can pay with conflict diamonds if you want! Just say the word and I will send Naomi around. Aug-24-10
A: That womans nuts. See if Grace Jones can do it and let me know
Q: I really want to bid, but I can only make a payment in pennies! Is this acceptable? If yes, do I need to deliver the pennies in person, or do you want to come pick them up? The payment will weigh a total of 5,585 lbs, but I think they will still fit into the trunk of my '87 Yugo! Please get back to me, so I can place a bid! Thanks! Aug-24-10
A: Of course it is! I accept payment through Pennypal!
Q: Is this a modern vintage original factory reseal or a custom original unproduced production proto type first shot rare variation in good condition? If you were to grade it, would it be a C9.5 or a C9.875+? Thanks! Aug-23-10
A: I am almost positive that It might possibly be 100% (give or take 5%) a geniune or reproduced item. I mean Im not an expert but look at it!

Ask seller a question

Great idea to post the Q and As!!!!

Absolute quality John...'Right place and right time' has never been more apt.....I hate them and Paypal beacuse as you say its one of the same.
Lets start the revolution now
Tony

Question & Answer Answered On

Q: If I buy this " masterpiece " ... can I be assured that you will not turn around and write simillar " masterpieces " on ... why HSN sucks .. why Walmart sucks ... why 7-11's sucks ... or any other establishment ... thus devaluing my purchase . 30-Aug-10
A: Would you castrate a Unicorn to make sure another didnt appear?
Q: The book title has a grammar mistake. Written Ebay but must be eBay. I consider this is the serious defect and price must be lowered significantly. 30-Aug-10
A: So this is not only a one-of-a-kind rare peice of literally mastery but also an error version?!?!?!?!? I'm thinking I may be undercharging and might raise the price, not lower it!!
Q: Are your jeans (pictured) also for sale? 29-Aug-10
A: Yes they are pictured but not for sale. Dont buy this wonderful book expecting free jeans
Q: You should keyword cram your listing so it comes up in more searches. For example, you could say: Looking for a great book or movie on Tiger Woods, Brad Pitt, Lindsay Lohan, Brittney Spears, Star Wars, or the movie Twilight? Well this ebay sucks book is better than them all. Buy it today!!! Best of luck with your auction. 29-Aug-10
A: Actually the reason I don't is so Ebay can't claim I am violating policy. It's a crazy concept, called "Honest Selling"
Q: Since ebay allows you to use pictures that do not belong to you how do I know what I will receive? It's like a raffle but Paypal won't let anyone run a raffle!!! 29-Aug-10
A: Oh I will PROMISE that the winner will recieve this item. It was custom made by me and I have placed several key markers within the document to ensure authenticity. However it's so secret I can't the winner
Q: Hi, I believe the initial price is slightly too high, If You really wish to sell it,I would suggest You to add the best offer option, Good luck selling. J. 29-Aug-10
A: IS this some sort of tomfoolery? I'm practically loosing money at this price!
Q: Hi, i was wondering will there a second edition on your Ebay sucks paper? Maybe you can include you phone call experience in it? did you actually spoke to someone? 28-Aug-10
A: I may pen a sequel to this. I'm thinking of a musical or mystery. Most likely a musical, since it's no mystery who the bad guy is. I'd love to include the phone call, but at 1hr 35 min I hung up
Q: How much will shipping to Denmark be, if you use a pigeon? Also does insurance cover the loss, if the pigeon is shot down by a hunter on it's way or if it drops the paper in the ocean and it get damaged by the salt water? 28-Aug-10
A: Shipping to Denmark, via pigeon will be free. You need to cover food for the pigeon only! I can only get the bird insured for 1500 so that'll be up to you
Q: Hi, you're a Chinese seller right? Can you sell me this item, take my money, tell me it takes 20 business days to ship, and then cancel your account? That would be awesome! I would love to have my money taken and then be told there is nothing that can be done about it because I waited too long on good faith for shipping from china and then the seller disappeared into thin air. Thanks!!! 28-Aug-10
A: (gently shaking you) Wake up. You were having a bad dream. Ebay/Paypal have protection against things like this so you are protected. Just show them that a scammer came on Ebay, made fake sales, them left. They will surely help you out! They won't let another scammer run loose in here. See? It was just a bad dream. Oh wait a minute, if I woke you up and explained what you dreamt about it couldnt be a dream. This actuall happened!! BECAUSE EBAY DOESNT CARE!!!!
Q: Ebay does suck da balls. I mainly only sold electronics on here, but now they are holding funds hostage, so what's the point? I just use private forums for selling now. 27-Aug-10
A: Oh course they are holding funds. THEY need to be protected from scammers. WE can take a flying leap, but they need to protect their BILLIONS
Q: Hi, You don't mention if the paper is Vintage or Repro. I'm pretty sure with your positive feedback it will be original paper, but wanted to check before submitting my BIN? 27-Aug-10
A: Its real. I bought it from a guy who told me so
Q: will you ship to Italy? thanks 27-Aug-10
A: Will you give me a confirmed address?
Q: All of these questions for a little book? Wow, it must ba a one and only... 27-Aug-10
A: Great things come in small packages!!
Q: Why are you hating on Feebay, when clearly it's sellers like you that are the problem. This "book" in it's current condition is only worth $650,000 max. Now since you've artificially inflated the value, nobody will buy it, and that's a $65,000 final value fee that eBay won't get now. That's a nice car some exec won't get. Someone's dream vacation, flushed down the toilet. How are they supposed to feed their families? Do you hate children? 27-Aug-10
A: Gosh I never thought of it that way. Right now there is an Ebay exec who can't buy each of his kids an iPad because I won't give Ebay the $65,000 it so rightly deserves. I am a monster. LOOK AWAY!!!
Q: your my hero ebay fees suck cock!!!!!! thats why i use craigslist to sell i would recomended it just watch out for the crazies:) 27-Aug-10
A: Thank you!
Q: Hello there. I'd be interested in bidding on your item, however, would you be willing to give up all rights to copying, so I can recoup my money by selling 10000 prints for $100 each? I figure if it worked for McDonalds, it'd work for me. The true problem with eBay is it's too big now. They no longer are allowed to use common sense and think, they must MUST follow policies, which is why when you talk to them, you are talking to essentially a computer, spewing out policies instead of actually answering a question. I understand they are thinking of implementing a fee structure that will charge a cap of 108% for people with feedback under 14,294. 27-Aug-10
A: I'm just a man trying to share my information with the world so after some thought I will 100% give the winner all rights to this fabulous piece! As for Ebay getting to big, I can only quote Spiderman. "With great power comes great responsibility". If thats the case, how about a membership fee for 1 year which gets refunded if you follow the rules? How about they take some of the BILLIONS they make and create a nice slush fund for honest people getting ripped off? Or (crazy as it is) hire people who can , and would be allowed, to THINK!!!!




"Would you castrate a Unicorn to make sure another didnt appear? "

Holy crap this sucker is realy running away like a freight train.
Has ebay said anything John??I'm wondering if they said anything.
it's a great piece of humor though.It's going to be remembered as the best ebay slam ever.
Epic.

Im out of action ill for a few days and i was catching up with threads and cant believe how much this has exploded!!!

Awesome stuff John!